No, no, not to him. Holy christ, I'm pretty sure if I did write one to RP, and he actually read it, well, one of two things would happen... he'd either run scared (and I'd be arrested), or he'd call me! (LOL! Yep, I'm a little touched tonight! Forgive me!) I actually wrote a fan letter to Stephenie Meyer (and asked her to give RPattz my number... just kidding, just kidding!)
Right after I finished the books, I had nowhere else to turn and lots to get off my chest. This was before I knew about this crazy world of Twilight-related blogs. Before I knew I wasn't the only over-30 chicky out there in love with everything Twilight. Before I knew about you guys! I'm 38 fucking years old and I actually wrote a fan letter... something I haven't done since I may or may not have written one to Matt Dillon when I was 13 and he just wowed my parachute pants off in The Outsiders.
I mean seriously, I know that fan letters are a lot like letters to Santa Claus. They may not actually make it to their intended target, but I bet the folks that do read them get a good chuckle! But I gotta tell you - it actually felt good. Like I was exorcising some demons (or hot teenage vampires!) I actually reread the letter for the first time today since I sent it months ago and had to chuckle. It was so tame, so unlike me! Not even one single curse word. I think the worst thing in there was that I sort of accused her of lacing the books with crack to get us all hooked. It's almost like a little puff of crack dust floats out of the book every time you turn the page... keeping us glued and wanting more... needing more!
So in taking a step outside myself and analyzing my post-Twilight life, I've come to realize (and I'm sure some of you can agree) that if I didn't wander into the welcoming arms of all you fellow fans, someone surely would have "sent me away" to a nice farm. My psyche thanks you, even though I'm fairly certain I would benefit from some serious psychiatric help!
In a matter of 3 weeks, my brain went from this...
To this... and let me tell you, it ain't fucking pretty! (Although I'm sure my husband is pleased that the area once reserved for all things shoes, is now all about the SEX!)
Now I feel like I need to write to Stephenie Meyer again to ask her to pay for my therapy! It IS her fault this has happened to me... (and maybe Catherine Hardwicke should pay half for casting Rob Pattinson as Edward and making me go all gooey!)
21 comments:
shit LKW where the fuck did you find those brain pics ! hysterical. Of course i saw the SEX first..haha then the teeny tiny domestic skills and attention span! LOL. That's BRILLIANT!
and it's a good thing you didn't curse to our Mormon Meyer. that would be bad.
But really it's all Kstew's fault..she demanded it had to be Rob!
THANK GOD for KSTEW!
great post!
OMG, I found them on google and I totally took the "Male Brain" and edited it to fit my Twilight needs!! Fun, fun! I need a fucking life!
Oh fuck me sideways that was funny! Loved the brain pics.. Oh god I had the hots for Matt Dillon too, Whoo baby!
So I take it Mormon Meyer didn't write you back? Cow! I too think that we were all brainwashed by her, probably some Mormon power in the context.. Boo!
But I have to admit that I Limey wrote to RPattz's Agency asking for a signed photo, but didn't so far haven't got diddley friggin squat and I sent a fucking self addressed stamped envelope too, $3.50 stamped on the fucker!! WTF is up with that??? Yes, you can laugh, hahahaha But I still have faith and you'll be the first to know if I do in fact receive anything..
Isn't that sad??
:D
How do you come up with this shit? I swear if I wasnt infested with poo diapers and lincoln logs, I d be able to half come up with something. I really think you should go to Betty's website,http://bettimusictwilight.blogspot.com and get your ass a blinky button thing. I think yours would probably have a penis in it somewhere...mine a vagina.
Id like to clarify, Id get the vagina because I write about them all the time, not because I prefer them to the penis. Thank you and have a good night, Im off to read some fanfic.
@ Limey - If I hadn't sent that fan letter, I'd totally be making fun of you right now! We gotta stick together! And no, the mormon cow did not write me back. Twat nugget.
@ Erratic Mom - I'll check out Betti! I want a button! I come up with most of this shit during my 40 minute commute home. I wish I had a voice recorder so I didn't forget most of it before I get home! My old brain can't hold shit for very long!
@CEHM...is ur fanfic PG13 ??
@LKW - I would never have told you unless I had gotten something back, cos then I'd be crowing it from the rooftops. haha But seeing as you did I just had to fess up. We are fucking cuckoo! I'm seriously debating whether to send another one and then if I don't receive anything then, well I don't know, haven't figured that out yet...... but WATCH THIS SPACE!
I have been reading FF everynight for a friggin month!! Just call me the 'Clitless Wonder' haha
Friggin Twat Nugget Cow! Maybe she will you never know...
Oh if you get a minute go check out TCA and look at the video of "3 guys reaction to New Moon" I was peeing my pants with laughter.. :D
@Caring - Got it! Peepee not VagVag... :D
@Limey - i just watched the 3 guys reacting to New Moon. that was sooooo much fun. shit i wish i was about 16 right now..These kids are a hoot. Watching shit on the net and recording their reactions.I fucking loved it!
Hey Latchkey Wife,
I just stumble upon your blog.
LoL I like it, you are just amazingly funny! The Twilight brain pic just cracked me up! I imagine, that´s exactly how my brain looks like!! Thank you for this big laugh!!
I f*cking LOVE the Twilight brain!! LOL
Better I don't have DH see me to my next head MRT...
(Thanks so much for following my blog btw. - just be a wee bit patient with my mini-banner work.... I'm trailing behind for obvious reasons)
@ Mrs. Vanquish - I'm glad you stumbled onto my craziness! I have fun doing it and hope that everyone has fun reading (despite my dirty mouth!)
@ Betti - I had fun making the Twilight brain so I'm glad everyone is getting a kick out of it. I look forward to reading more of your blog too!!
Love the Twilight brain.
But I want a Jacob/wolf pack obsession one.
:)
@KITF - Wasn't that video hil-hairy-arse! You have to check out the Jimmy Fallon one where he is Edward and Harry Potter, love the part where he throws the blow-up doll (Bella) out of the tree. I was dying.. haha :D
@ Limey - Where can I find that Jimmy Fallon video? I have to see it!
OK, so I decided balls out....Im reading Wide Awake you fuckers..Im hooked
@LKW - go to the love TCA blog, she has it! Friggin funny as shit! :)
@ Caring - Yeah! Fuck the PG13 stuff you'll fall asleep.
Clit Crunchers of the World Unite! :D
Thank you God, I'm not alone. I found this blog and Twitarded in the last couple of days and had to spend many hours catching up in the archives. My husband is getting suspicious. He wants to know what I'm laughing at for hours on end. This is SO much more fun than just googling Rob Pattz. I love the posts about "are you out to your hubby/SO". I'm easing my way out, but to date am still deleting the browsing history everytime I get off the computer.
Love the female brains. It is nice to know that there are other insane chicks out there that aren't teens. Yes I think she does lace the books or maybe the publisher is responsible for sucking us in. I've never written a fan letter because I think I'd just scare the person or it could be used against me in an attempt to send me away to one of those nice padded rooms with that special jacket.
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